Fyodor Dostoevsky: The Gambler

17. CHAPTER XVII (continued)

"No, Mr. Astley. After all that has been said I--"

"TAKE CARE of them!" repeated my friend. "I am certain you are still a gentleman, and therefore I give you the money as one gentleman may give money to another. Also, if I could be certain that you would leave both Homburg and the gaming-tables, and return to your own country, I would give you a thousand pounds down to start life afresh; but, I give you ten louis d'or instead of a thousand pounds for the reason that at the present time a thousand pounds and ten louis d'or will be all the same to you--you will lose the one as readily as you will the other. Take the money, therefore, and good-bye."

"Yes, I WILL take it if at the same time you will embrace me."

"With pleasure."

So we parted--on terms of sincere affection.

...............

But he was wrong. If I was hard and undiscerning as regards Polina and De Griers, HE was hard and undiscerning as regards Russian people generally. Of myself I say nothing. Yet--yet words are only words. I need to ACT. Above all things I need to think of Switzerland. Tomorrow, tomorrow--Ah, but if only I could set things right tomorrow, and be born again, and rise again from the dead! But no--I cannot. Yet I must show her what I can do. Even if she should do no more than learn that I can still play the man, it would be worth it. Today it is too late, but TOMORROW...