William Shakespeare: The Tragedy of King Lear

ACT I. 4. Scene IV. A Hall in Albany's Palace. (continued)

Lear.
No, lad; teach me.

Fool.
   That lord that counsell'd thee
     To give away thy land,
   Come place him here by me,--
     Do thou for him stand:
   The sweet and bitter fool
     Will presently appear;
   The one in motley here,
     The other found out there.

Lear.
Dost thou call me fool, boy?

Fool.
All thy other titles thou hast given away; that thou wast born
with.

Kent.
This is not altogether fool, my lord.

Fool.
No, faith; lords and great men will not let me: if I had a
monopoly out, they would have part on't and loads too: they
will not let me have all the fool to myself; they'll be
snatching.--Nuncle, give me an egg, and I'll give thee two
crowns.

Lear.
What two crowns shall they be?

Fool.
Why, after I have cut the egg i' the middle and eat up the
meat, the two crowns of the egg. When thou clovest thy crown i'
the middle and gav'st away both parts, thou borest thine ass on
thy back o'er the dirt: thou hadst little wit in thy bald crown
when thou gavest thy golden one away. If I speak like myself in
this, let him be whipped that first finds it so.
[Singing.]
   Fools had ne'er less grace in a year;
     For wise men are grown foppish,
   And know not how their wits to wear,
     Their manners are so apish.

Lear.
When were you wont to be so full of songs, sirrah?

Fool.
I have used it, nuncle, e'er since thou mad'st thy daughters thy
mothers; for when thou gav'st them the rod, and puttest down
thine own breeches,
[Singing.]
   Then they for sudden joy did weep,
     And I for sorrow sung,
   That such a king should play bo-peep
     And go the fools among.

Pr'ythee, nuncle, keep a schoolmaster that can teach thy fool to
lie; I would fain learn to lie.