Joseph Conrad: Nostromo

PART SECOND: THE ISABELS 7. CHAPTER SEVEN (continued)

He struck his breast with his open palm; his voice had remained
low though he had spoken in a forcible tone. He twisted his
moustaches one after another, and his eyes wandered a little
about the room.

"Is it my fault that I am the only man for their purposes? What
angry nonsense are you talking, mother? Would you rather have me
timid and foolish, selling water-melons on the market-place or
rowing a boat for passengers along the harbour, like a soft
Neapolitan without courage or reputation? Would you have a young
man live like a monk? I do not believe it. Would you want a monk
for your eldest girl? Let her grow. What are you afraid of? You
have been angry with me for everything I did for years; ever
since you first spoke to me, in secret from old Giorgio, about
your Linda. Husband to one and brother to the other, did you say?
Well, why not! I like the little ones, and a man must marry some
time. But ever since that time you have been making little of me
to everyone. Why? Did you think you could put a collar and chain
on me as if I were one of the watch-dogs they keep over there in
the railway yards? Look here, Padrona, I am the same man who came
ashore one evening and sat down in the thatched ranche you lived
in at that time on the other side of the town and told you all
about himself. You were not unjust to me then. What has happened
since? I am no longer an insignificant youth. A good name,
Giorgio says, is a treasure, Padrona."

"They have turned your head with their praises," gasped the sick
woman. "They have been paying you with words. Your folly shall
betray you into poverty, misery, starvation. The very leperos
shall laugh at you--the great Capataz."

Nostromo stood for a time as if struck dumb. She never looked at
him. A self-confident, mirthless smile passed quickly from his
lips, and then he backed away. His disregarded figure sank down
beyond the doorway. He descended the stairs backwards, with the
usual sense of having been somehow baffled by this woman's
disparagement of this reputation he had obtained and desired to
keep.