Anthony Trollope: The Belton Estate

18. CHAPTER XVIII: MRS ASKERTON'S STORY (continued)

'Not a word. He never mentioned your name, or the name of any one belonging to you. I have heard it from another.'

'From what other?'

'I do not know that that signifies but I have learned it.'

'Well and what next?'

'I do not know what next. As so much has been told me, and as you had said that I might ask you, I have come to you, yourself. I shall believe your own story more thoroughly from yourself than from any other teller.'

'And suppose I refuse to answer you?'

'Then I can say nothing further.'

'And what will you do?'

'Ah that I do not know. But you are harsh to me, while I am longing to be kind to you. Can you not see that this has been all forced upon me partly by yourself?'

'And the other part who has forced that upon you? Who is your informant? If you mean to be generous, be generous altogether. Is it a man or a woman that has taken the trouble to rip up old sorrows that my name may be blackened? But what matters? There I was married to Captain Berdmore. I left him, and went away with my present husband. For three years I was a man's mistress, and not his wife. When that poor creature died we were married, and then came here. Now you know it all all all though doubtless your informant has made a better story of it. After that, perhaps, I have been very wicked to sully the air you breathe by my presence.'

'Why do you say that to me?'

'But no you do not know it all. No one can ever know it all. No one can ever know how I suffered before I was driven to escape, or how good to me has been he who who who ' Then she turned her back upon Clara, and, walking off to the window, stood there, hiding the tears which clouded her eyes, and concealing the sobs which choked her utterance.