Anthony Trollope: The Belton Estate

22. CHAPTER XXII: PASSIONATE PLEADING (continued)

'I have never doubted you. I never will doubt you. I believe in you next to my God. I do, Will; I do.' He walked up and down the room half-a-dozen times before he spoke again, while she stood by the table watching him. 'I wish,' she said, 'I knew what it is that troubles you.' To this he made no answer, but went on walking till she came up to him, and putting both her hands upon his arm said, 'It will be better, Will, that I should go will it not? Speak to me, and say so. I feel that it will be better.' Then he stopped in his walk and looked down upon her, as her hands still rested upon his shoulder. He gazed upon her for some few seconds, remaining quite motionless, and then, opening his arms, he surrounded her with his embrace, and pressing her with all his strength close to his bosom, kissed her forehead, and her cheeks, and her lips, and her eyes. His will was so masterful, his strength so great, and his motion so quick, that she was powerless to escape from him till he relaxed his hold. Indeed she hardly struggled, so much was she surprised and so soon released. But the moment that he left her he saw that her face was burning red, and that the tears were streaming from her eyes. She stood for a moment trembling, with her hands clenched, and with a look of scorn upon her lips and brow that he had never seen before; and then she threw herself on a sofa, and, burying her face, sobbed aloud; while her whole body was shaken as with convulsions. He leaned over her repentant, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to speak. All ideas of his scheme had gone from him now. He had offended her for ever past redemption. What could be the use now of any scheme? And as he stood there he hated himself because of his scheme. The utter misery and disgrace of the present moment had come upon him because he had thought more of himself than of her. It was but a few moments since she had told him that she trusted him next to her God; and yet in those few moments, he had shown himself utterly unworthy of that trust, and had destroyed all her confidence. But he could not leave, her without speaking to her. 'Clara!' he said 'Clara.' But she did not answer him. 'Clara; will you not speak to me? Will you not let me ask you to forgive me?' But still she only sobbed. For her, at that moment, we may say that sobbing was easier than speech. How was she to pardon so great an offence? How was she to resent such passionate love?