William Shakespeare: The Merry Wives of Windsor

ACT III SCENE 5. A room in the Garter Inn. (continued)

FORD.
In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that for my sake you
have suffered all this. My suit, then, is desperate;
you'll undertake her no more.

FALSTAFF.
Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I
have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her
husband is this morning gone a-birding; I have received from
her another embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is
the hour, Master Brook.

FORD.
'Tis past eight already, sir.

FALSTAFF.
Is it? I will then address me to my appointment.
Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall
know how I speed, and the conclusion shall be crowned
with your enjoying her: adieu. You shall have her, Master
Brook; Master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford.

[Exit.]

FORD.
Hum! ha! Is this a vision? Is this a dream? Do I sleep?
Master Ford, awake; awake, Master Ford. There's a hole
made in your best coat, Master Ford. This 'tis to be
married; this 'tis to have linen and buck-baskets! Well, I will
proclaim myself what I am; I will now take the lecher; he
is at my house. He cannot scape me; 'tis impossible he
should; he cannot creep into a half-penny purse, nor into
a pepper box; but, lest the devil that guides him should aid
him, I will search impossible places. Though what I am I
cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall not make
me tame; if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb
go with me; I'll be horn-mad.

[Exit.]