William Shakespeare: The Merry Wives of Windsor

ACT V. SCENE 5. Another part of the Park. (continued)

FORD.
Now, sir, who's a cuckold now? Master Brook,
Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns,
Master Brook; and, Master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of
Ford's but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds
of money, which must be paid to Master Brook; his horses
are arrested for it, Master Brook.

MRS. FORD.
Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never
meet. I will never take you for my love again; but I will
always count you my deer.

FALSTAFF.
I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.

FORD.
Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant.

FALSTAFF.
And these are not fairies? I was three or four
times in the thought they were not fairies; and yet the
guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers,
drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief,
in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they
were fairies. See now how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent
when 'tis upon ill employment!

EVANS.
Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires,
and fairies will not pinse you.

FORD.
Well said, fairy Hugh.

EVANS.
And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you.

FORD.
I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able
to woo her in good English.

FALSTAFF.
Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that
it wants matter to prevent so gross, o'er-reaching as this?
Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? Shall I have a cox-comb
of frieze? 'Tis time I were choked with a piece of
toasted cheese.

EVANS.
Seese is not good to give putter: your belly is all
putter.

FALSTAFF.
'Seese' and 'putter'! Have I lived to stand at the
taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough
to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the realm.