Joseph Conrad: Nostromo

PART THIRD: THE LIGHTHOUSE 12. CHAPTER TWELVE (continued)

As time went on, Nostromo discovered his preference for the
younger of the two. They had some profound similarities of
nature, which must exist for complete confidence and
understanding, no matter what outward differences of temperament
there may be to exercise their own fascination of contrast. His
wife would have to know his secret or else life would be
impossible. He was attracted by Giselle, with her candid gaze
and white throat, pliable, silent, fond of excitement under her
quiet indolence; whereas Linda, with her intense, passionately
pale face, energetic, all fire and words, touched with gloom and
scorn, a chip of the old block, true daughter of the austere
republican, but with Teresa's voice, inspired him with a
deep-seated mistrust. Moreover, the poor girl could not conceal
her love for Gian' Battista. He could see it would be violent,
exacting, suspicious, uncompromising--like her soul. Giselle, by
her fair but warm beauty, by the surface placidity of her nature
holding a promise of submissiveness, by the charm of her girlish
mysteriousness, excited his passion and allayed his fears as to
the future.

His absences from Sulaco were long. On returning from the longest
of them, he made out lighters loaded with blocks of stone lying
under the cliff of the Great Isabel; cranes and scaffolding
above; workmen's figures moving about, and a small lighthouse
already rising from its foundations on the edge of the cliff.

At this unexpected, undreamt-of, startling sight, he thought
himself lost irretrievably. What could save him from detection
now? Nothing! He was struck with amazed dread at this turn of
chance, that would kindle a far-reaching light upon the only
secret spot of his life; that life whose very essence, value,
reality, consisted in its reflection from the admiring eyes of
men. All of it but that thing which was beyond common
comprehension; which stood between him and the power that hears
and gives effect to the evil intention of curses. It was dark.
Not every man had such a darkness. And they were going to put a
light there. A light! He saw it shining upon disgrace, poverty,
contempt. Somebody was sure to. . . . Perhaps somebody had
already. . . .