William Shakespeare: The History of Troilus and Cressida

ACT IV. SCENE 5. The Grecian camp. Lists set out (continued)

ULYSSES.
O deadly gall, and theme of all our scorns!
For which we lose our heads to gild his horns.

PATROCLUS.
The first was Menelaus' kiss; this, mine:
Patroclus kisses you.

MENELAUS.
O, this is trim!

PATROCLUS.
Paris and I kiss evermore for him.

MENELAUS.
I'll have my kiss, sir. Lady, by your leave.

CRESSIDA.
In kissing, do you render or receive?

PATROCLUS.
Both take and give.

CRESSIDA.
I'll make my match to live,
The kiss you take is better than you give;
Therefore no kiss.

MENELAUS.
I'll give you boot; I'll give you three for one.

CRESSIDA.
You are an odd man; give even or give none.

MENELAUS.
An odd man, lady! Every man is odd.

CRESSIDA.
No, Paris is not; for you know 'tis true
That you are odd, and he is even with you.

MENELAUS.
You fillip me o' the head.

CRESSIDA.
No, I'll be sworn.

ULYSSES.
It were no match, your nail against his horn.
May I, sweet lady, beg a kiss of you?

CRESSIDA.
You may.

ULYSSES.
I do desire it.

CRESSIDA.
Why, beg then.

ULYSSES.
Why then, for Venus' sake give me a kiss
When Helen is a maid again, and his.

CRESSIDA.
I am your debtor; claim it when 'tis due.

ULYSSES.
Never's my day, and then a kiss of you.