William Shakespeare: Twelfth Night

ACT IV. 2. SCENE II. A Room in OLIVIA'S House.

[Enter MARIA and CLOWN.]

MARIA.
Nay, I pr'ythee, put on this gown and this beard; make him
believe thou art Sir Topas the curate; do it quickly: I'll call
Sir Toby the whilst.

[Exit MARIA.]

CLOWN.
Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in't; and
I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I
am not tall enough to become the function well: nor lean enough
to be thought a good student: but to be said, an honest man and a
good housekeeper, goes as fairly as to say, a careful man and a
great scholar. The competitors enter.

[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA.]

SIR TOBY.
Jove bless thee, Master Parson.

CLOWN.
Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that
never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King
Gorboduc, 'That that is, is'; so I, being master parson, am
master parson: for what is that but that? and is but is?

SIR TOBY.
To him, Sir Topas.

CLOWN.
What, hoa, I say,--Peace in this prison!

SIR TOBY.
The knave counterfeits well; a good knave.

MALVOLIO.
[In an inner chamber.] Who calls there?

CLOWN.
Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the
lunatic.

MALVOLIO.
Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.

CLOWN.
Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? talkest thou
nothing but of ladies?

SIR TOBY.
Well said, master parson.

MALVOLIO.
Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good Sir Topas, do
not think I am mad; they have laid me here in hideous darkness.