Anne Bronte: The Tenant of Wildfell Hall

43. CHAPTER XLIII (continued)

I did not mention my suspicions to Rachel; but she, having sojourned for half a century in this land of sin and sorrow, has learned to be suspicious herself. She told me from the first she was 'down of that new governess,' and I soon found she watched her quite as narrowly as I did; and I was glad of it, for I longed to know the truth: the atmosphere of Grassdale seemed to stifle me, and I could only live by thinking of Wildfell Hall.

At last, one morning, she entered my chamber with such intelligence that my resolution was taken before she had ceased to speak. While she dressed me I explained to her my intentions and what assistance I should require from her, and told her which of my things she was to pack up, and what she was to leave behind for herself, as I had no other means of recompensing her for this sudden dismissal after her long and faithful service: a circumstance I most deeply regretted, but could not avoid.

'And what will you do, Rachel?' said I; 'will you go home, or seek another place?'

'I have no home, ma'am, but with you,' she replied; 'and if I leave you I'll never go into place again as long as I live.'

'But I can't afford to live like a lady now,' returned I: 'I must be my own maid and my child's nurse.'

'What signifies!' replied she, in some excitement. 'You'll want somebody to clean and wash, and cook, won't you? I can do all that; and never mind the wages: I've my bits o' savings yet, and if you wouldn't take me I should have to find my own board and lodging out of 'em somewhere, or else work among strangers: and it's what I'm not used to: so you can please yourself, ma'am.' Her voice quavered as she spoke, and the tears stood in her eyes.

'I should like it above all things, Rachel, and I'd give you such wages as I could afford: such as I should give to any servant-of-all-work I might employ: but don't you see I should be dragging you down with me when you have done nothing to deserve it?'