Anthony Trollope: The Belton Estate

16. CHAPTER XVI: THE HEIR'S SECOND VISIT TO BELTON (continued)

'You must know that Captain Aylmer'

'Don't talk to me of Captain Aylmer. Have I said anything against him? Have I ventured to make any objection? Of course, I know his superiority to myself. I know that he is a man of the world, and that I am not; that he is educated, and that I am ignorant; that he has a position, and that I have none; that he has much to offer, and that I have nothing. Of course, I see the difference; but that does not make me comfortable.'

'Will, I had learned to love him before I had ever seen you.'

'Why didn't you tell me so, that I might have known there was no hope, and have gone away utterly out of the kingdom? If it was all settled then, why didn't you tell me, and save me from breaking my heart with false hopes?'

'Nothing was settled then. I hardly knew my own mind; but yet I loved him. There; cannot you understand it? Have I not told you enough?'

'Yes, I understand it.'

'And do you blame me?'

He paused awhile before he answered her. 'No; I do not blame you. I suppose I must blame no one but myself. But you should bear with me. I was so happy, and now I am so wretched.'

There was nothing that she could say to comfort him. She had altogether mistaken the nature of the man's regard, and had even mistaken the very nature of the man. So much she now learned, and could tell herself that had she known him better she would either have prevented this second visit, or would have been careful that he should have learned the truth from herself before he came. Now she could only wait till he should again have got strength to hide his suffering under the veil of his own manliness.