Anthony Trollope: The Belton Estate

21. CHAPTER XXI: MRS ASKERTON'S GENEROSITY (continued)

'Think what I have suffered, dear.'

'But you have had somebody to care for you somebody whom you could trust.'

'And have not you?'

'No; no one.'

'What do you mean, Clara?'

'I mean what I say. I have no one. It is no use asking questions not now, at such a time as this. And I did not mean to complain. Complaining is weak and foolish. I have often told myself that I could bear anything, and so I will. When I can bring myself to think of what I have lost in my father I shall be better, even though I shall be more sorrowful. As it is, I hate myself for being so selfish.'

'You will let me come and stay with you today, will you not?'

'No, dear; not today.'

'Why not today, Clara?'

'I shall be better alone. I have so many things to think of.'

'I know well that it would be better that you should not be alone much better. But I will not press it. I cannot insist with you as another woman would.'

'You are wrong there; quite wrong. I would be led by you sooner than by any woman living. What other woman is there to whom I would listen for a moment?' As she said this, even in the depth of her sorrow she thought of Lady Aylmer, and strengthened herself in her resolution to rebel against her lover's mother. Then she continued, 'I wish I knew my Cousin Mary Mary Bolton; but I have never seen her.'

'Is she nice?

'So Will tells me; and I know that what he says must be true even about his sister.'