Lewis Carroll: Through the Looking Glass

CHAPTER 8: `It's my own Invention' (continued)

            But I was thinking of a plan
               To dye one's whiskers green,
             And always use so large a fan
               That they could not be seen.
             So, having no reply to give
               To what the old man said,
             I cried, "Come, tell me how you live!"
               And thumped him on the head.

            His accents mild took up the tale:
               He said "I go my ways,
             And when I find a mountain-rill,
               I set it in a blaze;
             And thence they make a stuff they call
               Rolands' Macassar Oil--
             Yet twopence-halfpenny is all
               They give me for my toil."

            But I was thinking of a way
               To feed oneself on batter,
             And so go on from day to day
               Getting a little fatter.
             I shook him well from side to side,
               Until his face was blue:
             "Come, tell me how you live," I cried,
               "And what it is you do!"

            He said "I hunt for haddocks' eyes
               Among the heather bright,
             And work them into waistcoat-buttons
               In the silent night.
             And these I do not sell for gold
               Or coin of silvery shine
             But for a copper halfpenny,
               And that will purchase nine.

            "I sometimes dig for buttered rolls,
               Or set limed twigs for crabs;
             I sometimes search the grassy knolls
               For wheels of Hansom-cabs.
             And that's the way" (he gave a wink)
               "By which I get my wealth--
             And very gladly will I drink
               Your Honour's noble health."

            I heard him then, for I had just
               Completed my design
             To keep the Menai bridge from rust
               By boiling it in wine.
             I thanked much for telling me
               The way he got his wealth,
             But chiefly for his wish that he
               Might drink my noble health.

            And now, if e'er by chance I put
               My fingers into glue
             Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot
               Into a left-hand shoe,
             Or if I drop upon my toe
               A very heavy weight,
             I weep, for it reminds me so,
               Of that old man I used to know--